Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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