Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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