wakey wakey hands off snakey
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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