I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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