My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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