I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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