Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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