I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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