Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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