i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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