if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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