"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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