Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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