people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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