It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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