jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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