I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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