i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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