An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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