Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize