I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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