I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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