cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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