Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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