I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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