i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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