I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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