morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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