She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize