He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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