Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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