I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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