alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
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You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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