I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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