Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize