i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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