Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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