Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
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Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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