Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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