he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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