i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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