(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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