I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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