I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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