there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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