I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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