I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How external is "for external use only"?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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