Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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