He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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