you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize